Is it Getting Better, or Do You Feel the Same?
posted: Oct. 13, 2020.
To Where You Are
Artist - Josh Groban | Lyrics - Richard Marx and Linda Thompson
Fly me up to where you are
Beyond the distant star
I wish upon tonight
To see you smile
If only for awhile to know you're there
A breath away's not far
To where you are
It has been three years since my father passed away and it feels like it was yesterday...but also a lifetime ago at the same time. I have said that I live in an alternate universe since he's been gone; nothing is the same, nothing will ever be the same. I think about him from time to time, there are reminders of him everywhere. He left his imprint on this world, not just in the hearts and minds of myself, my sister and our families, but in the many many people he helped over the years (he was a therapist too), and those he worked with. He entrusted in all that he has touched, the promise that we would move on, better our lives, and try, as he did, to leave this world better than it was.
It is a tall order, I'm not going to lie...Although I understand the responsibilities of being an adult, sometimes I don't wanna be an adult! I want to complain to my dad!!
Yeah, that person does not exist anymore (my mom passed away as well...but that's for another post!) It isn't like I need a lot of adulty advice but he was always the one who had the answers; right, wrong, or otherwise, he had the answer. Now I have to be the one with all the answers and I am finding that I don't have them all...how the hell did he know as much as he did?? Could I have done some kind of Vulcan mind meld (Star Trek reference for those who don't know!) before he passed? It seems like a waste, all that information gone forever. Instead I try to think of how he would handle certain situations or how he would answer that dilemma. Sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't, but I try and learn from it.
~Food for Thought~
“Psychologists have clinically observed that overly prolonged grief in the bereaved usually signifies a poor relationship with the one who died.”
― Robert E. Neale, The Art of Dying
How is one supposed to move on after losing someone? That's the $20,000 question isn't it? The first answer simply, is "You just have to" You need to continue living your life and making it the best it can be; knowing that life is fleeting...you need to pass on what you have learned to the next generation (whether or not you have children). "You need to enjoy each day as if it was your last", you've heard that one before I'm sure. Well, you know what? Sometimes that is just impossible to execute, sometimes I just want to do nothing and let the minutes and hours tick away. I mean, what is the point of all this anyway? They'll find their way, they'll move on just like I had to, right? Maybe, but why leave them so much uncertainty when their lives are just starting out? What if I was able to provide some guidance or direction that I wasn't given by my father. Maybe I DO know the answer, maybe I just need to keep working on myself, improving my quality of life, and passing on whatever I know while I can for as long as I can. There has to be some meaning to life and that certainly is a start...
~Food for Thought~
“The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not ‘get over’ the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again but you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same nor would you want to.”
Meanwhile, today I reflect on my loss and lament the fact that I can't share the "thrills of victory and agonies of defeat" of our favorite sports teams, or share each experience about my kids, or discuss cases in our practices to seek a better solution. It is a tremendous void, there is no question about it...and although this day gives me pause, I know tomorrow I will pick up where I left off and live life the best way I can.
“The only way out is through”